while steve and i were sitting by the hotel pool this past summer i watched a little girl, about two or so, lazily recline on the pool lounger and invite her grandad to come join her. she repeatedly called 'mere, 'mere!, motioning with one hand, palm up, baby fat fingers curling and uncurling, all the while patting the smidgen of space beside her with her other plump little hand. when the grandad finally aquiesced the little girl could barely contain herself as he cuddled up beside her. it was such a pleasant thing to watch, and for a not so fleeting moment, i longed to be a grandma. the whole fantasy of loving them to death, spoiling them rotten and then unleashing them back to their parents seemed positively divine. i even found myself thinking about who i might be...granny? gran? nana? of course, i'm not looking for caitlin to rush out and get married - she's only 18 after all and waaayyy to young for that sort of thing. right, shelley? mum? but i have always been fully in love with the idea of having a baby around. and better yet, a baby i don't have to birth or raise. recently i have tried to down play the joy and excitement that overwhelms me when i think about ali and ben moving to arizona, but i really just have to admit...it thrills me no end! and then, when i remember that we get the bonus of a baby? well, lets just say, oh happy day and hallelujah!!! it seems you can have your cake and eat it too!
so the other day, when i noticed an older woman while i was out shopping, i found myself excited once again at the prospects come march and the arrival of baby boy wade. she was the grandmotherly type...soft skinned, soft bodied. stretch-waist pants and sensible shoes. as we passed she even smelled grandmotherly...soft, gentle. warm. the thought of me being all grandmother-ish reminded me of the following poem. i fell in love with it when i was young and have been waiting patiently for the opportunity to bring it to life for a very long time now. some days it feels like the time is nigh at hand. a little more nigh than i would like think. the kids would probably say i have slipped into the role of delusion without quite realizing it already. only time will tell. i may not hoard the brandy and beer mats. but then again, i just might...'cause chances are looking pretty good that i'll be completely senile...
When I Am Old...
When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat that doesn't go, and doesn't suit me,
And I shall spend my pension
on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals,
and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired,
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells,
And run my stick along the public railings,
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other people's gardens,
And learn to spit.
You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat,
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go,
Or only bread and pickle for a week,
And hoard pens and pencils and beer mats
and things in boxes.
But now we must have clothes that keep us dry,
And pay our rent and not swear in the street,
And set a good example for the children.
We will have friends to dinner and read the papers.
But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me
are not too shocked and surprised,
When suddenly I am old
and start to wear purple!
Jenny Joseph
