the small and the many...

one newly-wed christmas steven & i got into a very heated discussion over the nature of gifts and the meaning of them. he was going to buy me an elton john cd, (whom i admittedly love). he thought it meant, “here. i bought you something i know you’ll like.”.

i thought it meant, “here’s a cd”.

the discussion lasted days….

last valentines steven bought me chocolates, an ipod, and wrote me a lovely card…he was so excited about giving it to me we had to have a mini celebration on the 13th. the chocolates are all gone except for the 2 inches they added to my thighs, i rarely listen to the ipod and the card is “carefully” tucked away under the clutter in my sidetable drawer. i think.

yesterday he asked me what i wanted for this years valentines. it was one of those days so i told him "nothing!". it was one of those days...so i didn’t tell him that all i really wanted was to cuddle up on the couch with him, watch tv, and eat stuff that would add another 2 inches to my thighs. and his. later, when i finally fell into bed freezing from staying up too late, he cuddled me in just to help me get warm…no strings...no ulterior motive. he even let me put my cold feet on him. all because he knew it had been one of those days.

i'll take the small and the many over the big and the intermittent…the spark from them last way longer than the flash of a roman candle….

...

is it plagiarism if you steal your own stuff?

...

you know what i said about connor not dating...

turns out it's not so much about the actual dating.  it's more about the asking.  he's totally up for it if the girls are doing the asking.  and, apparently, it has to be more of an "event" rather than just a movie or bowling.

connor was asked to MORP - which for all you aussies is PROM spelled backwards...it's girl ask guy. and a whole lot cheaper...matching t-shirts is more the dress code instead of big gowns and too-expensive tuxes.  but of course there is still the issue of asking...which is an event in it's own right.

so megan littered our front porch with hershey's kisses and a poster that read...

and keeping with the candy themed play on words we came came up with this little number in  reply...

i'm nothing if i'm not punny!!!

i know. i know.  that was reaaaally bad....

say it isn't so...

my baby boy is 11. 

and as much as he's lovin' it, i have to admit it pulls at my heart more than just a little as i try to accept that in reality i don't have a baby anymore. of course what i do have makes that realization a lot easier to accept. that cute and cuddly baby i used to have has grown into a wonderfully handsome, loveable, friendly, funny, smart, outgoing, happy, quick witted, kind, helpful, respectful and loved by all young man. i think we made a fair trade.

 

 

happy birthday lou 

you are loved!

a sure thing...

today marks 21 years of wedded bliss.

you'd think that 21 years might feel like a long time coming, but you'd be wrong. i'm amazed at how a husband, 4 kids, a mortgage, a plethora of dogs, not to mention the intricate, and somewhat delicate details of daily living, can make 21 years whip by. seemingly, in less time than it takes to yell at the kids to stop fighting, and help with the dishes. the past 20 years or so are filled with so many memories - some i remember all too well - others have become a little more faded and distant than i would have hoped. it hasn't always been happiness and harmony, but with hindsight being what it is, i can honestly say, that for all of it, i am grateful.

being more the traditionalist, when steven actually "popped the question", back in the day, he did the formal sharon-will-you-marry-me thing. my response was...well...a little less traditional...and as it turns out, surprisingly indicative of how our marriage would proceed. instead of the traditional and time honored "yes!", my answer was more along the lines of "sure...". and while to some, my response might sound like i was a little unsure, i've never been more sure of anything in my life. i am absolutely sure that the life i've been blessed with over the past two decades is the one i was born to live. so in honor of the past 21 years, and the husband who makes them all possible, here are 21 things that i love about being married to steven; things that reassure me daily to keep following my instincts...

1. the sound of his voice; i love how he says my name, and tells me he loves me. and although steve's not really a singer, the kids loved it when they were little, and he'd sing nonsense songs to them, making up the words as he went along.
   
2. his sense of humor....even if sometimes he's the only one that gets it. or even appreciates it.
   
3. the pitter-patter of his feet on the kitchen tile as he busies himself, getting ready for work in the morning. very busy...lots of pitter-patter.
   
4. the gentle way he reminds me to come up to bed...sometime. please.
   
5. the warmth of his body when i finally crawl into bed at 2am, freezing from falling asleep on the couch.
   
6. getting the giggles with him at 2 in the morning over who knows what.
   
7. when something really tickles his funny bone and he goes into his "muttly" laugh, and just can't stop himself...(he sounds like the dog from the wacky races cartoon series - from way back in the day)
   
8. his quick and simple...love you wife...texted randomly in the middle of my day.
   
9. caitlin
   
10. connor
    
11. madeline
    
12. liam
    
13. i love how he loves our kids, how he will let them get away anything. with the exception of the things that really matter.
    
14. his willingness to be instructed by madeline in yoga poses...and his valiant efforts to execute them.
    
15. his work ethic; the way he unselfishly works an off duty job after having already put in a 10 hour shift, so that our family is well provided for.
    
16. his understanding that as much as life depends on the pursuit of money, sometimes life has to be about more than just money.
    
17. the way he honors his priesthood, and his ablility and worthiness to provide our family with the blessings it offers.
    
18. the way that he says kindly, "i've got this. why don't you go take a bath," when he can see, and hear, that i am a little on edge. especially because, what he really wants to say is, "go to your room. come back when you can be nice to everybody. especially me!"
    
19. i love that he loves me.
    
20. i love that i know he loves me.
    
21. i love that eternity will be so much better because i get to share it with him. one life time just isn't enough.
    

happy anniversary hon,

i love you...

why children are so completely worth it...

...because 18 year old daughters finally "get it". and are wise enough to be thankful for it.

...because almost 17 year old sons are gutsy enough to wrestle their mothers to the floor, knowing full well she's not going down without a fight...all in the name of a good back scratch.

...because almost 15 year old daughters can see beyond themselves and the mall...and are happy and willing to choose the better part all in the name of family.

...because just-shy of 11 year old boys still think their mothers are "pretty much perfect". and still love them enough to tell them so. 

why husbands are so completely worth it...

...because i just heard steve refer to izzy as PUGALICIOUS!

for this i am grateful. part 2...

i am grateful for good sense...

the sense of smell....
homemade wheat bread while it's baking
wet dirt and concrete just after the rain begins
freshly bathed babies
sweaty 10 year old boys
puppy breath

the sense of sound...
the words, i love you...even when they're not directed at me
my children talking to each other
when steve gets the giggles and can't stop
steaming hot water running in the tub when i know it's for me
a really good thunderstorm

the sense of sight...
a newborn
steven's face
the first glimpse of ocean as we head up the 805 towards san clemente each summer
old people holding hands
the smiles on my kids' faces when they're really pleased with themselves

the sense of taste...
cookie dough
a kiss
pizza and diet coke
chocolate on about day 29
success

the sense of touch...
warm sand
a really good foot rub
steven's hand at the small of my back
when my kids give me one of those good and long, really tight i-love-you-so-much hugs, instead of the quick luv-ya-gotta-run brush-ups
that soft spot on my mothers chest just below her collar bone

and all those other, much needed, sixth, seventh & eigth senses...
i am grateful for a sense of humor and the good sense to use it when things are at their absolute, least humorous. i am grateful for the good sense to speak up when appropriate. i'm even more grateful for the good sense to sometimes just keep my mouth shut. i'm grateful for the sense to know there are many who are so much wiser than me. and i'm especially grateful to have just enough sense left to know it. i am grateful to still possess that sense of wonder requisite for recognizing the rich and abundent life i have been so blessed to lead.

and while a sense of style isn't really my thing...i do have the sense to appreciate it in others. i even have it on my list of things to develop in this life time. yep! it's right up there with organizational skills and plate spinning.

for this i am grateful. part 1...

after last nights pity party i found a little book that i just love. it's a compilation of words of wisdom from your garden variety, run of the mill, regular folk. real people with real lives. smart people who have found that the meaning of life, which sometimes seems so elusive, is most often manifest in the simple things that make up our days. things like...

sharpie markers with perfect points.

sprout, 33, washington

having a complete stranger smile at me.

antonio, 15, new york

even if i can no longer touch my toes, i can still see them.

ralph, 60, washington

i am grateful for just being me.

omnissia, 10 california

my favorite one is by irwin lieberman, 61, from florida...

being of the jewish faith, i had my bar mitzvah on my thirteenth birthday. the only gift i remember was from my uncle irving, my mother's only sibling. the gift was a prayer. i now teach hebrew school and am often invited to bar mitzvah cremonies and receptions. i offer each of my students the same prayer my uncle gave me. it's meaning holds the power of revealing true happiness..."i pray that you have everthing in life you want, but more important, i pray you want everything in life you have."

may we all be so wise and so blessed in the coming year.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

with love

sharry & crew

i've been....

in a sort of funk,

and feeling

uninspired &

a somewhat disinclined

to share...

to write anything of

real substance...

or even imitation substance

for that matter.

life is good.

my life is blessed.

there has been no tragedy.

we are all well. we are healthy.

i even feel confident in saying, "we are happy."

i've just been feeling a little

funky...

and not the good,

disco

kind of funky.

i know tomorrow will dawn a little brighter.

my plan is to step into the new year

with renewed vim & vigor.

my plan is to begin as i intend to continue.

consider this a P.S.A....

this stuff...smells great...feels great...and it makes your hair smell, feel and look great.

but it is not so great when a harried daughter forgets to snap the lid shut

and it leaks out all over your bathroom counter.

put in perspective....the exxon valdez would have cleaned up easier.

consider yourself warned...

and that goes double for you maddie!

maybe he'll be inspired...

connor doesn't do a lot of dating. i think we could count on one hand the number of official dates he's gone on, or unofficial for that matter. not a big dater. he has his reasons...no license...limited funds...no funds...'cause. he'll do the group get-together-and-hang-out thing; it's casual with limited pressure to be "on" for three or four hours straight. being on requires commitment. and he just not that committed to anyone at the moment.

but it appears that if the mountain won't come to mohammed, then...you make the most of winter formal, (sadie hawkins in taffeta and dress shirts!). morgan asked connor. i think he was relieved it was she who asked him; they've known each other since they were little kids, we used to be in the same ward and our families camp together each summer at the beach. He was a little nervous but after their group day date - making gingerbread houses, eating pizza and hanging out for awhile - he came home happy and relaxed and looking forward to the dance. doesn't he look happy and relaxed...

and doesn't she look beautiful...

'i'm gonna have to rethink some things" he tells me...

so this afternoon i get a call from the school nurse. she's got lou in her office. he's fine she quickly sing-songs in assurance, which, as all seasoned mothers know, translates to, "he's not really, why else would i be calling...but he is still breathing, and everything is still attached. for now!" i calmly respond with that slow, deliberate, okaaay?, which, as all seasoned mothers know, translates to, "enough small talk...what's happened to my baby!!!".

seems the boy was in the middle of a school sanctioned game of flag football. as he went in to grab the flag from an opponent, the kid's foot came up, as is apt to happen when you're running, and jammed the tip of liam's right ring-finger, or 3rd digit as i was informed by the x-ray tech later, which resulted in a nice little fracture across the top end of the middle bone, or phalange.

normally i'm not one to rush on over to the doctor or urgent care, but my usual remedy, that of a wet paper towel for any injury not showing bone, seemed somewhat inadequate/negligent once i finally arrived at the school, and got my first glimpse at his poor, sideways-bent, little digit. he told me he'd managed to "keep it together" until he got to the kindergarten playground, (and out of sight of his buddies), then he just had to let "it" out. and lest we think it was all for naught...he proudly announced that he had managed to take possession of the offending kids flag! that's my boy; always looking for the upside to lifes little downers. so we hit the local urgent care, paid our $25 co-pay, waited our turn, got our x-rays and left with a pretty cool looking splint wrapped with some even cooler looking blue tape. finally, we closed out the afternoons events with a pit stop at arby's for some much needed post-traumatic sustanance.

all the while liam has kept me updated, and amused, at the many things he would now have to "rethink" as a result of his injury. such as...

• how to open the car door
  
• which pocket to keep his retainer box in
  
• writing
  
• holding his book while reading
  
• playing the clarinet
  
• gaming...a.k.a. playing video games
  
• using the computer mouse
  
• p.e.
  
• bathroom habits
  
• showering...although there was only limited concern attached to this one.
  
• the playing of flag football

have i mentioned lately how much i am absolutely, head over heals, in love with this kid.

don't worry mum, i'll be back in six months. she said confidently...

that was 22 years, 1 husband & 4 kids ago. and as much as i love, love, love to be right more often than not...i sure am glad i was totally off base on this one.

november 30th marked 22 years exactly, to the day in fact, since my arrival - which means i have now lived my life equally in australia and the united states. which in turn begs the question; am i an aussie or a yank?

while i absolutely love the life i have been blessed with here in america, and while i don't regret for a single moment my decision to marry and raise my family here...

i am, and will forever and always be, an AUSSIE.

and not to be all peter allen-ish and everything, but...i still call australia home.

november. thank goodness it only has 30 days...

november has been just a crazy, crazy month. november 1st came and it seemed we just hit the ground running. the highs have been high, and the lows have made me more aware of my blessings and the need to appreciate them more. it was one of those periods of time when you pick a date, somewhere in the seemingly too distant future, and view it as the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel...a date that calls and beckons like a steaming hot tub, a clean set of sheets. or that soft little wedge of space between earlobe and shoulder on a baby's neck.

it began with had a baby shower and a bridal shower, (not for the same person...although it would have freed up a much needed saturday had than been the case), it ended with a wedding this past saturday. and even as i type, i just received word that the latest great-grandbaby for the scarlett side has arrived safe & sound...mason anthony edwards. a 6lb 6oz, a bigger-than-his-size bundle of joy. in between though, we shopped for bridesmaid dress patterns, soon ditched that idea, and ended up shopping for actual bridesmaid dresses. how hard could it be? i'll tell you...we ended up driving to three different locations to collect the 3 different sizes we needed; now there's 5 hours of my life i'll never see again. then came the begging, hopeful borrowing, and possible stealing of shrugs; anything but having to sew them seemed like acceptable alternatives. friday morning was spent executing last minute alterations that i prayed would work and not look like something a squirrel had tried his hand at. friday night was dress rehearsal, putting up chairs for the ceremony, and dinner. the matrimonial festivities culminated in a beautiful wedding saturday morning as steven's niece, amanda, married the love of her life, carlos. they both looked so beautiful and full of the excitement of the day. at the last minute i became the official photographer, wishing all the while that i'd actually taken the classes i keep saying i need to take. thank goodness for digital and photoshop is my final word on that.

of course there was the infamous family history project where we, (by "we" i mean "i"), squeezed 3 months of family fact gathering into about 3 weeks; and while it can be done, it should be highly discouraged! we typed, re-typed, scanned, cut & pasted until i was ready to disown everyone and just say that connor was found on our door step one spring morning. ergo making any kind of family history null and void. anyway it's all done now, handed in, and a thing of the past. no pun intended. i'm just hoping i, oops, he gets a good grade! thank you everyone for coming through with stories and names and dates. you are sooo appreciated.

we all know about the change in calling that came mid-month, so we won't rehash that one. but i will add that i taught my first lesson this past sunday and didn't die of cotton mouth or hyper-tension. in fact it went really well. they invited me back next week and i think i'm going to love this new opportunity. it's really what i've needed. i love our ward - all their smiles of congratulations, support, and relief that it wasn't them, were a welcome sight as they entered and took their seats. i am so grateful we have a ward of smart, well versed individuals who are willing to share their thoughts and experiences. more thankfully, i can't think of one that i'd have to glance past for fear of them saying something that reaches way beyond the realm of "personal revelation" and might land us both in the stake presidents office.

the low came one friday as caitlin and i attended the funeral of a beautiful baby girl. she is the niece of one of caitlin's dearest friends, and began her battle for life even before she was born. her little heart fought from the moment she took breathe, and at two weeks Heavenly Father decided she had fought enough and called her home. it was heartbreaking, but the blessings and promises given to her family were beautiful. even though, i found myself wishing the lessons of life could somehow be a little more gentle for some.

thanksgiving day was a wonderful end to such chaos. steven's uncle larry and his wife kitty opened up their home to about 40-odd family members and friends. and by odd i mean 'give or take a few', not odd as in weird or peculiar...although we do proudly boast having a healthy and welcome dose of oddness. dinner in their home as been a family tradition since anyone can remember. kitty rents tables and chairs, sets out real china and silverware and puts up the most beautiful christmas tree. larry roasts up a couple of turkeys to perfection and makes his famous fresh green beans and peppers combination. we all bring our traditional offerings. there's renays world class buns, annette's vegetable tray, my mushrooms. karen brings mashed potatoes. and pies. ohhhhh, the pies.... the best part was that all of steven's family were in town; we haven't all been together since their dad passed away 18 months ago; this was a much more welcome reason for gathering. his sister lisa and her family came from california. we got to meet their new baby, brody, for the first time. we all fought for some brody time, which thankfully he didn't seem to mind, and soaked up as much of his babyness as we could. eric, becky and kids came down from thatcher. the kids have all grown so much. i love watching them as they hang out, and sleep over, and make the most of the short time they have together. i'm so grateful my kids have so much wonderful family. and again i am in awe of the power of family and the ability to step in place and pick up where they left off.

so now it is december, and i have the feeling that there is more chaos to come as christmas quickly approaches. but i have a goal. and i am resolute in my decision, not to let things get so crazy and out of hand that i look past the sacredness of this season just so i can find the light at the end of the tunnel. i am resolute in my decision to remember that the real Light comes from the birth and life of Christ. i am resolute in remembering that by looking to the Light, instead of past it, ensures that our lives will be happier, more joyful. even amid the chaos.

here's to a relatively chaos free and merry christmas to all....

polyester and orthopedics. may we be not so quick to judge thee...

while steve and i were sitting by the hotel pool this past summer i watched a little girl, about two or so, lazily recline on the pool lounger and invite her grandad to come join her. she repeatedly called 'mere, 'mere!, motioning with one hand, palm up, baby fat fingers curling and uncurling, all the while patting the smidgen of space beside her with her other plump little hand. when the grandad finally aquiesced the little girl could barely contain herself as he cuddled up beside her. it was such a pleasant thing to watch, and for a not so fleeting moment, i longed to be a grandma. the whole fantasy of loving them to death, spoiling them rotten and then unleashing them back to their parents seemed positively divine. i even found myself thinking about who i might be...granny? gran? nana? of course, i'm not looking for caitlin to rush out and get married - she's only 18 after all and waaayyy to young for that sort of thing. right, shelley? mum? but i have always been fully in love with the idea of having a baby around. and better yet, a baby i don't have to birth or raise. recently i have tried to down play the joy and excitement that overwhelms me when i think about ali and ben moving to arizona, but i really just have to admit...it thrills me no end! and then, when i remember that we get the bonus of a baby? well, lets just say, oh happy day and hallelujah!!! it seems you can have your cake and eat it too!

so the other day, when i noticed an older woman while i was out shopping, i found myself excited once again at the prospects come march and the arrival of baby boy wade. she was the grandmotherly type...soft skinned, soft bodied. stretch-waist pants and sensible shoes. as we passed she even smelled grandmotherly...soft, gentle. warm. the thought of me being all grandmother-ish reminded me of the following poem. i fell in love with it when i was young and have been waiting patiently for the opportunity to bring it to life for a very long time now. some days it feels like the time is nigh at hand. a little more nigh than i would like think. the kids would probably say i have slipped into the role of delusion without quite realizing it already. only time will tell. i may not hoard the brandy and beer mats. but then again, i just might...'cause chances are looking pretty good that i'll be completely senile...

When I Am Old...

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple

With a red hat that doesn't go, and doesn't suit me,

And I shall spend my pension

on brandy and summer gloves

And satin sandals,

and say we've no money for butter.

I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired,

And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells,

And run my stick along the public railings,

And make up for the sobriety of my youth.

I shall go out in my slippers in the rain

And pick the flowers in other people's gardens,

And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat,

And eat three pounds of sausages at a go,

Or only bread and pickle for a week,

And hoard pens and pencils and beer mats

and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry,

And pay our rent and not swear in the street,

And set a good example for the children.

We will have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?

So people who know me

are not too shocked and surprised,

When suddenly I am old

and start to wear purple!

Jenny Joseph